Conflicts aren't inherently bad - they can actually lead to better outcomes. But sometimes they become unproductive, and often they are uncomfortable or even painful - especially in a volunteer context, because volunteers are passionate about the mission they are serving and tend to have strong opinions!
Start with reasonable doubt and assume good intentions. Maybe the phrasing was bad, but is the idea good? Is this person just trying to look out for everyone's safety? Maybe their dog is sick and they spilled their coffee and they are just having a bad day. DO NOT assume the person is "out to get you" (even if you really think they are).
Request a conversation - preferably face-to-face. So many conflicts come from misunderstanding what is said in text, because we are missing important sources of meaning, like tone and body language. Try: "I'd like to discuss [topic], when would be good for you?" or "I have some feedback about [topic], can we meet to discuss it?"
Use SBI to phrase feedback: Situation, Behavior, Impact. Keep it objective and fact-based. Do not share your assumptions or inferences about the other person's intent or motivations.
Situation: "When we were discussing the Polar Bear Plunge at the last leader meeting..."
Behavior: "...you crossed your arms and frowned while I was talking..."
Impact: "...which caused me to feel that you had concerns you weren't sharing, and made me feel undermined."
Ask questions. Stay respectful and curious, not accusatory.
"Do you have concerns about the event?"
Find where you agree. Do you both want to keep everyone safe? Do you both want to use resources wisely? Start from your shared goals, and go from there to try to build a solution that is acceptable to both of you. Instead of saying "no," reframe as "in order to do that, we would need..."
Don't get drawn into an argument - set boundaries. Some problems are big. You don't have to solve everything in real time. Create space to come back to the problem after you have had time to process.
"I will think about this and I will let you know what I decide."
Follow up in text. We're all busy people with a lot going on, and we're all prone to forgetting things. After a tough conversation, consider sending a follow-up email. (But MOVE BACK TO VOICE/FACE-TO-FACE if there are misunderstandings! In these situations, email should only be for recapping what has already been said to make sure you're on the same page.)
"Thank you for meeting me to talk about [topic]"
"My understanding is... [recap what you thought the other person was saying, in NEUTRAL fact-based language]. Is that correct?"
State the next step and approximate timeline. "I will think about this and get back to you on Thursday."
Reach out to the LSM/SU Advisor, who may be able to mediate, or may have additional resources to help.
Contact our volunteer manager at Council if the LSM/SU Advisor is unable to solve the problem, or if the problem involves the LSM/SU Advisor.
Crucial Conversations - great read on why conflicts happen and how to resolve them. There are lots of summaries and videos about this book that you can find online.
GSNorCal Volunteer Policy - outlines what is and isn't acceptable behavior from volunteers, and details the procedures for whistleblowing.